happy 24th in a bit

Today, someone asked me what I did for my birthday last year. I grew quiet a while. It wasn’t because I was reminiscing about something good or I had a sudden flashback. It was more because I couldn’t remember. After 5 minutes, it hit me. I was at that time already in Singapore and I was preparing for my exam (no kid!) I remembered going to class on my birthday. Everyone was in a holiday mood. My batchgirls kissed me all over my face. Yes, literally. But the weird thing is, I still cannot remember what I was doing the night before my birthday. I don’t remember counting down and I don’t remember even having a nice dinner. It is driving me crazy. How can I not remember? I came up with a conclusion: I probably must be sleeping the night before because I had to be at class by 0845 the next morning. HAH.

 

Seriously?

 

:/

 

So anyway, another year has gone by. Honestly I feel very homesick. It is my birthday tomorrow. And a part of me feels like I’m dying a little inside. I know, it’s supposed to be a celebration. But me, being here.. in Singapore.. I just, I just wish I was back home.

Withdrawal

It’s been a while.

How are things? The usual. Different country, different day, different time, different people. #whatsnew

Don’t get me wrong. This life is amazing. I’m less & less homesick lately which is a good thing. But the thing that scares me most is that I have no constant. Now, what does that mean? I’ve told a couple of my close ones this: about having a constant. What is a constant? Well, it means exactly what it is: CONSTANT

Get this: Try and imagine travelling all the time. You’ve packed a thousand times (and unpacked too) You practically can pack in the dark with your hands all tied up. Okay, that’s impossible but you get my drift. Before I explain about having a CONSTANT, let me set this right, I am not complaining about my “oh-so-glamorous-life” I am basically being blunt because yes, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

So, back to topic. Imagine a life full of inconsistent things. Practically everything really. You eat different kinds of food at a different kind of hour/day/second. You are constantly in different time zones and fighting the heat to the deepest cold. All these things are fun, adventurous and exciting, no doubt they are. It’s just that sometimes,  all you want to do is just breathe and talk to someone about your day. But again, who might you call/text/skype? Everyone you know is either sleeping/working/flying. And when you “rant” on how tired you are, you get this “aw, it can’t be that bad! How tired can you be? you only go around saying “coffee, tea or me?”" Trust me, I heard this at least 100000 times 10 times.

But do you know, talking to someone and talking to someone who understands is a whole different thing?

I’ve been lacking a constant. Someone who will understand what a ” bad day on an aeroplane” is like. YES I know everyone had a bad day before. ALL THE MORE people will understand right? But try and imagine telling someone this:

A: Hey B, I had a bad day. I swear I am going to !@#$%^&*(&&^%$#@$

B: Oh come on, don’t be dramatic

A: (thinking: why can’t B just shut up and listen and let me rant cause I NEED someone to just understand how upset I am right now. A hug would be great but, nevermind.)

#YES I am a girl like that.

Maybe it’s just me. I like settling into my hotel room and looking at my whatsapp/BBM list and thinking “I really need to talk about my day”  It sets me right, it sets me rooted, it captures a sense of home in me and knowing I am not alone feeling crappy. That’s all I need. Maybe it’s weird for you, but dayumn I need a CONSTANT.

But I need to thank my batchgirl. (lover, you know who you are..) She has been there for me on 1 of my toughest flight to Sydney a few months back. I literally was in tears by the time I closed my hotel room door. (I try very hard not to cry in front of people. I just don’t.) That was hands down- worst flight ever. But I can’t rely on her all the time right?

Scariest thing? I’ve been talking a lot to myself lately.  Maybe I should be my constant.

#HMMM.

But yes I was warned this is a very lonely profession. So yes Laura, I told you so

you is kind, you is smart, you is important

THE HELP

I love this movie. If you are one who like inspirational stuff that touches your heart, this movie is for you.  It is set in 1961 where colored people were treated very differently- like they were less than human. The white people reigned throughout this set of the movie and the colored ones stuck out like a sore thumb. Oppressed, easily shaken and fear: I could never live like that. What made me dumbfounded was that colored people had their own toilets because they were to be said to have contagious diseases. Yes, really. And you could see how white people could get away with treating the help like trash. Think insulting sarcastically but somewhat direct subtle electric to your heart kind of mean.  Then there comes Emma Stone (Skeeter) and she is different from all the other white people. She actually writes a book with the help from all the colored people to tell the blunt truth about everything. It wasn’t really easy to do so because by doing so, the colored people would be in danger and might even be put to death. The life of the colored people was cheap. They didn’t really matter at that time. Ok, I should stop blabbing. In my handful, The Help is full of smiles, sobs and shattering moments. I admit I did cry while watching the movie. But then again, I’m a softie inside even though I don’t act like one lol. Anyways, I don’t want to say  too much. Do watch it!

Here’s the Soundtrack for The Help by Mary J. Blige. It has snippets of the movie. Enjoy!

On a personal note, I am back in Singapore after having fun in London. I will blog about London soon (right after I blog about Zurich!) Till then! XO.

sincerity

it’s 0635 (GMT +0)

I touched down not too long ago in London. I wasn’t feeling my best. I had a bad dream while taking my rest, my stockings tore right on my big toe, my work shoes gave out, my watch broke (sigh…) and I got a fat a*s bruise on my thumb. How I got it? It beats me.

And a colleague of mine, who had no idea what I was going through during the flight decided to prepare dinner for me. It wasn’t much but the fact that nobody has ever done that for me before really touched my heart. It filled my heart with warmth: something I never felt for such a long time. I ate my dinner in silence with you next to me. I was full of gratitude. I felt as if I was a beggar on a street with holes in my clothes and only 1 shoe on my foot and a stranger  just came and gave me a hot cross bun. The flight was not against me, that I know now.

If I could choose a word to describe that moment: Contentment.

Yes, I only had a hot meal in front of me. But at the moment my discomfort of my ripped apart shoe did not matter. That bad dream I had did not even pass my mind. My home sickness? Vanished. Everything did not matter. Except my bowl of hot pan mee

Sincerity goes a long way and actions do speak louder than words. You were not obligated to but you did. I am blessed to have you with me on my flight. We did not talk much during the flight but I will remember you for the rest of my life.

Yes. a way to a ladies heart can sometimes be food.

Baby now you do.

Watching Gossip Girl S5E6, I love this scene. Blair & Chuck!

“Video Games” by Lana Del Rey

Chorus:

It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It’s better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby now you do

xx

Paris

Bag from Longchamp, Shirt from Topshop, Skirt & Belt from River Island, Vintage multicolored jacket from a thrifted shop in Amsterdam, Polka dot black sheer stockings from Japan and shades are from Gucci

The first post! Please, be kind. Do comment cause that makes me happy lol.

So! I am back from Paris. How was it? Mighty wicked I must say. I love Europe. Wait, the word love doesn’t even justify it. I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. You see so many movies going on and on about Paris and the Eiffel Tower and how it is the most romantic place in the entire world and people always tell you the French are all about croissants and oh how glamorous that place is since it is the Fashion Capital of the World… And don’t get me started on the French hunks. #shy

Well, I agree that the Eiffel Tower is breathtaking at night and I have to nod in approval that the view of that gorgeous piece of metal sets the mood of being all lovey-dovey-i-want-to-marry-you-now and yes, people do make an extra effort to dress up. I kid you not that the beggars here even look a tad bit spunky. But Paris is  very big place! Parts of it smells like urine (ew, I know right.) and parts of it just makes you wish you had all the money in the world so that you can buy that classic inverted C handbag. And then there’s the moment when you spot your favorite designer shop/brand from afar and you get all worked up and when you actually reach it you’ll be turned off by the LONG queue outside. It’s a love hate thing really but I love every part of it. For those of you who follow the series Pan Am, do you remember the episode when they were in Paris? The moment when Dean was slow dancing with Colette in the middle of the streets in Paris and he commented, “You smell like Paris.”  That was my favorite part! They’re in love but they just don’t know it yet! #turnstojello

I was very lucky as I was there with a friend I knew for quite sometime. Her name is Jayjay. If you were wondering, I do not travel with the same people. Thus, travelling with a friend is always a party for me.

Here is the gist of my Paris trip:

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